CAR BALLS OF THE WEEK: GUN SLINGING MURDER MONKEYS

This week U.S. scientists said that it would be impossible for the Taliban to train monkeys to shoot machine guns. Thank you scientists for this realistic information that proves Zoo's were wrong in posting signs that read, "Please Do Not Give The Monkey's Machine Guns". The idea of Gun Slinging Murder Monkeys still gets our Car Balls nod, because in a perfect world, if monkey could use guns, we'd all be much safer.

Nice TV / It Is It

"Yeah, that looks pretty good."



On a related note, This Guy (Willy Appelman) will be doing his last performance with It Is It tonight at Piano's in NYC. Get there if you can, it "Willy" be a great show!

An exciting day in IKYCITB history

Well dear readers the day has finally come. I've said numerous times that since we started this blog, the prominence of Car Balls in the world of today had seemed to have declined...drastically. I had hardly, if even ONCE, seen an actual pair of "danglers" from below a bumper. Now I know there is a fair level of sarcasm inherent in this site, but I think, for serious, for absolute realiousness, forever, I have been converted. CarBallz4Lyfe.

My morning started as it always does – I had kissed my beautiful wife on her beautiful sleeping cheek, I had poured a the precisely measured amount of food into our dog's dish, and I had saluted the American Flag 50 times for all our glorious 50 states. Then, after donning my ceremonial American Flag robe around my nude body, ran 50 laps around our complex singing "God Bless America," to work off the 3700 calorie breakfast I, AS ALWAYS, ingested just moments before. By then it was 6:30, and the time had come to get into my Ford F-200, truck nutz included, and drive to my job at the construction site.

But LO AND BEHOLD what did I see?


ANOTHER TRUCK, SPORTING A GLORIOUS PAIR OF BALLS BELOW THE CHASSIS. I had to get closer, take a better look...

Who was this man leaving from the same complex as I? What was his name? When can we hang out at my favorite bar and drink Bud and eat Cheeseburgers the AMERICAN WAY?!


Closer and closer I drew...was this it? Could this be the one?!?!?!


Praise the Lord for I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed...BY THE HOLY GRAIL OF CAR BALLS.

End of blog, end of internet, good bye, it was nice knowing you all. Thank you all for the wonderful times we've shared, I look forward to seeing you all again in the afterlife.

GUITARS PART II

A quick follow up to the "What Do You Name A Guitar" post, I just came across these basses which not only look BADASS, but incorporate an important part of the male anatomy into what we already know as a phallic extension of musicianship: The Balls.

MAN ARRESTED FOR MONKEYS IN HIS PANTS

You know when you're in a hurry to catch a plane and the TSA pulls you over for a full body search? Don't you hate it when they find 18 endangered monkeys in your pants?! Yeah, me too. Monkey Balls.

Nice new camera!

Is that Geordi LaForge?

Trout'd

A weekend on the waters can only be improved upon with one thing...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THAT GUY!

On this special July day, a very special Michael was birthed to the earth. He wasn't the star of a 1996 movie about an Archangel and he didn't sing or dance when he exited the womb, he immediately BALLZ'D his doctor (no joke). Happpy Birthday Mr. That Guy! This is the closest IKYCITB could come to throwing you a party.

Happy Birthday To This Guy

Willy,

Thanks for being the only guy man enough to hang balls on the inside of your car.

Thanks for posting more often than I do. Thanks for keeping up with the comedy on a daily basis. Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday to you.

BALLZ'D

Here's a thing. Do something with it.


Disclaimer: We do not support or endorse anything Mel Gibson has said or done in the past 10 years.

A Tribute

Never too late to say goodbye to a loved one. I had a dream that I was able to sit in on a Tim and Eric brainstorming session, and this was the one idea Richard had to bring to the table...T&E didn't think it was that funny.

Richard, thanks for invading my dreams and everything you've done to improve mankind with laughter.

www.actorricharddunn.com

weluvricharddunn.com

TOUGH POST OF THE WEEK

Being Bruce Willis isn't easy, making a montage of him looking tough is. Happy Birthday America! ( via Daily What)

Bruce Willis from wreckandsalvage on Vimeo.

PHONE ACCESSORY OF THE WEEK

If you don't own a car, here's the next best thing. ( via Buzzfeed)

SIGN OF THE WEEK

Barack Obama is our President, and that makes a lot of people happy, including the remaining "rebels" down South. These are people who crack a bud heavy on a Tuesday afternoon while sitting in the back of their Ford truck while their Car Balls hang in the air like a confederate flag with Barry Obama's face on it. These are reformed rebels, they aren't racist, they are "race conscious" (a less obvious form a racism). Giggle at their flags and give their Car Balls a love tap for us.

(Via Daily What)

CAR ACCESSORY OF THE WEEK

Why not add a hand gesture to the back of your car, it will most certainly clarify the status of your Car Balls.

CARS THAT NEED BALLS

If these cars don't have balls, then no car should have them.

Pig's In A Blanket

I wonder what else Pigs can breed with, humans?

GETTING STARTED WITH GRAFFITI

Folks, people don't graffiti enough. Graffiti can be pretty pointless sometimes, but other times, it can bend reality. Here are 3 short steps to getting started with graffiti and what your first projects should be.

1. Buy your spray paint at a conveniently placed Graffiti Vending Machine.

2. Create something that might make someone question whether there really is a truck coming

out of a cartoon bears mouth.

3. Make graffiti that people might associate with: "Plug it in, Plug it in."

Text Of The Week: 1992 Nissan Maxima

From Tom C: "Just saw some car balls on a 1992 Nissan Maxima. It's almost like spotting a tranny hooker. Somethings just shouldn't have balls."

Some things should not have car balls, and we here are IKYCITB agree that a 1992 Nissan Maxima is one of them. Unfortunately, we are not the controller of Car Balls (yet), so if you see this car with Car Balls, be sure to give them a good Kick for us.

An Important Lesson

Sometimes, it's the larger things in life that make it worth living.