CARS THAT NEED BALLS

If these cars don't have balls, then no car should have them.

Pig's In A Blanket

I wonder what else Pigs can breed with, humans?

GETTING STARTED WITH GRAFFITI

Folks, people don't graffiti enough. Graffiti can be pretty pointless sometimes, but other times, it can bend reality. Here are 3 short steps to getting started with graffiti and what your first projects should be.

1. Buy your spray paint at a conveniently placed Graffiti Vending Machine.

2. Create something that might make someone question whether there really is a truck coming

out of a cartoon bears mouth.

3. Make graffiti that people might associate with: "Plug it in, Plug it in."

Text Of The Week: 1992 Nissan Maxima

From Tom C: "Just saw some car balls on a 1992 Nissan Maxima. It's almost like spotting a tranny hooker. Somethings just shouldn't have balls."

Some things should not have car balls, and we here are IKYCITB agree that a 1992 Nissan Maxima is one of them. Unfortunately, we are not the controller of Car Balls (yet), so if you see this car with Car Balls, be sure to give them a good Kick for us.

An Important Lesson

Sometimes, it's the larger things in life that make it worth living.

CAR BALLS OF THE WEEK: JOE BIDEN

After introducing President Obama during Tuesday’s Health Care ceremony, Vice President Joe Biden privately told the President, “This is a big f------ deal!” Since then, Biden's comment has become a Big F*ckin Deal over the Internet. Here is the latest in Biden's BFD Campaign.

(Thanks Buzzfeed)

SHOUT OUT! VERMONT

Vermont is amazing. It is known for Ben & Jerry's, amazing foliage and Maple Syrup. Everyone wonders where VT gets its delicious Maple Syrup from and I think this sign answers that question perfectly.

Car Balls Talk: The Podcast: The Second Nut

Fart - Quotable - Penis - They seem harmless but are not - all words which properly sum up the un-sum-upable RUE BRUTALIA (Jon Pack and Jason Kalter), whom we were fortunate enough to sit down with and interview for our second* installment of Car Balls Talk. Hang in there cuz this is gonna be a long and brutal ride down the road to comedy history.

Car Balls Talk in iTunes.

Rue Brutalia on Facebook
Rue Brutalia Youtube
Rue Brutalia Myspace
Rue Brutalia @ FunnyOrDie.com

Jon just gave me word that RUE BRUTALIA will be performing on April 1 at the People's Improv Theater in NYC at 7pm. Come check it out for a good...nay, HILARIOUS time!

*It would be sublimely fitting if this was not only the second but also the last episode in Car Balls Talk history...but being that there are two of us working here at IKYCITB, each with a proper sack, there will be at least FOUR episodes of Car Balls Talk. Probably.

WANTED: Race Car Balls

The only thing that would make Jon Glaser’s Toyota race car even better would be Race Car Balls hanging off the back bumper. He may be hiding his face, but exposed Race Car Balls are something every race car would benefit from. Not only would Race Car Balls be gobbled up by every Nascar fan, they would also make drivers faster and braver. Ain't nothin' like driving 100 miles per hour with your Car Balls inches from concrete!

Go here.

CAR BALLS OF THE WEEK: DIE HARDLY WORKING

Don't get me wrong- I love Die Hard, but I might love College Humor's version a little more. CH takes the best parts of the movie, explosions, guts and blood and uses it in this epic scene. The only thing missing is a shirtless Bruce Willis and Alan Rickman playing a terrorist.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

NEIL HAMBURGER IS OUR MAN OF THE HOUR

Neil Hamburger is genius. Neil, we commend you on your wonderful contributions to the world of comedy. Thank you for all you've done, and all you will do. Let's hear it for NEIIIIIIIIL HAMBURGERRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

Making dogs laugh.

Singing about 7-11.


Chivalry at its finest.

CAR BALLS OF THE WEEK: DAVE CHAPPELLE

Dave Chappelle has been out of the spotlight for a few years now and we here at IKYCITB miss him dearly. Watch as Dave talks about his time on hiatus and his reaction to 'The Secret'.

FOD: Barack Obama's Nightmare

An amazing compilation of SNL presidents, we can thank past U.S. Presidents for the situation we are currently in and for this hilarious video.

Funny or Die's Presidential Reunion from Will Ferrell

CAR BALLS OF THE WEEK: BIG THINGS MADE TINY

You may think the world revolves around you and your Car Balls, and you're right! The only thing cooler than a tiny pair of Balls hanging from your Car, would be a tiny version of New York lingering on your computer screen. Enjoy!

The Sandpit from Sam O'Hare on Vimeo.

WHAT DO YOU NAME A GUITAR?

Everyone knows that a guitar is a man's (or woman's) Freudian extension of phallic ambition, but what happens when you get into a personal relationship with your wooden (and metal) protraction? I personally have seven guitars (but only six dicks :/ ), none of which I've ever given a name to. But what about those rock stars that DO name their axes? Are certain names more manly than others? Let's review a few.

B.B. King & Lucille: Back in '49, during a performance in Arkansas, a fire broke out in the dance hall in which B.B. was playing. Not wanting to lose his first guitar, he saved it from disaster when he realized he'd left it inside the burning building! Outside, two men were fighting over a woman named Lucille, and B.B. realized that he'd never again do something as stupid as run back into a burning building or fight over a woman. Lucille has been the name of every one of his guitars since. I'd say it can't really get more manly than that.

Neil Young & Old Black: Neil obtained his '53 Gibson Les Paul (supposedly a highly customized & repainted Goldtop) in 1969 through a trade for a Gretsch with Jim Messina. Having used it on almost every electric recording since that time, it shows a certain dedication to one guitar only a dedicated man can have. Just like the dog that became your best friend growing up. Manly.

Yngwie Malmsteen & The Duck: This symphonic metal master plays a yellow Fender strat that features a Donald Duck sticker on the headstock. Shit. If you can parade around the world playing symphonic metal at lightning speeds with a wussy guitar, I ain't gonna argue with you. Frilly shirts? Lame. Leather pants? Pretty stupid. Yellow guitar with Donald Duck? Shit, if anything that's pretty punk. Yngwie just gained some respect in my book, whether he's a perceived asshole or not.

David Gilmour & Stratocaster #0001: Technically not a name, but should be. Pink Floyd's legendary guitarist owns the first Fender Strat to receive a serial number, and damn if that isn't something to boast about. It's like saying I've got the first official dick. And you don't. Pussy.

Bootsy Collins & The Space Bass: "OK I'm going to play funk and fly around on my bass in outerspace. No contest, fucking cool as shit."

Eddie Van Halen & The Frankenstein Strat: Being that EVH's main guitar used throughout the 70's & 80's was shlocked (read: meticulously crafted) together from various parts, it shows yet again that being able to customize your wang into a working electric instrument is pretty badass. Spandex and jumping no. Freak guitars yes.

A quick google search also provides one with potential guitar names such as Skull, Jimmy, Bob, Liza, and Balrog of Doom, all of which I can see being pretty fucking awesome no matter what the situation.

So there you have it, not only are guitars manly as crap, but taking it to that next level of personality is like going from Bill Bixby to Lou Ferrigno. No contest! Looks like I better name the shit out of my seven guitars, since I've already got six names for my dicks.

CAR BALLS OF THE WEEK: OBESE ENGLISH MEN

Eight in 10 English men 'will be too fat by 2020'

The 2010 Winter Olympics are officially underway, and a national obesity contest is something that we'd all be good at. Keep it up England- at this rate, you'll definitely out eat the world!

THE AVATAR OF CAT FOOD COMMERCIALS

Thanks @JamesCameron.

OLD SPICE MANMERCIAL

Let's face it, we all use Old Spice Fresh Deodorant, it is the official scent of our immature teenage years. There latest commercial only makes me want to smell even more like an immature man. Thanks for affirming my manhood Old Spice.

Colbert vs. Fallon

Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Fallon have a great interview, with a surprise elevator ride that promises to keep you on end. Keep it coming!

TOP 10 CELEBS TOO IMPORTANT TO DRIVE A TOYOTA

Due to the recent recall of Toyota cars, we here at IKYCITB's are urging all celebrities who drive a Toyota... "PROTECT YOUR BALLS, SELL THAT TOYOTA!!" Here is our TOP 10 list of celebrities who need to find a new home for their balls:

10. Miley Cyrus: Now in stock...Hannah Montana Car Balls! (available in pink/black/blue)

9. Orlando Bloom: Why does Orlando park his car on his front lawn? To show off his Car Balls.

8. Adrian Grenier: On the next season of Entourage, Vince loses his entourage, and finds that he has just as much fun with only one of his Car Balls and 30 strippers.

7. Raven: Commemorative Raven Car Ball Earrings.

6. Ryan Reynolds: Did you see Van Wilder? Yeah me too. Car Balls.

5. Giovanni Ribisi: That man on the right, just waxed Giovanni's Car Balls and real balls.

4. Leonardo DiCaprio: Said a freezing Leo to his Car Balls, "Never Let Go!"

3. Larry David: A scary ceremony, the passing of the car, and the equipment that comes with it.

2. Cameron Diaz: There's Something About Cameron that makes me think her Car Balls are really Justin Timberlakes balls.

1. Keanu Reeves: Keanu has Matrix Car Balls, so as long as he can dodge cars like he can bullets, his balls will be just fine.