Thanksgiving Car Balls

Here at IKYC we love Eating, Turkey and Eating Turkey. That's why Thanksgiving is such a great time to thank your car balls for everything that they have done for you. Not only have they attracted many curious onlookers, but they have also declared who you are to most of the world. You're a turkey loving, gun slinging Car Balls lover and we salute you. Now go eat some meat!

Car balls sightings of the week

Yes, sightingS. Two within one week, an ideal number.

The first pair was spotted on LIE 495 on Sunday. I managed to snap a couple crappy phone shots while swerving through traffic following this guy.

"I'm just trying to take a picture of your balls!"

The second came in moments ago from our lady on the street, Ms. Flying Buttress of Death Metal herself, Darth Bean.

"I'm also just trying to take a picture of your balls, but obviously with a phone that has a higher megapixel count while driving with regards to safety."

CAR BALLS OF THE WEEK: GUN SLINGING MURDER MONKEYS

This week U.S. scientists said that it would be impossible for the Taliban to train monkeys to shoot machine guns. Thank you scientists for this realistic information that proves Zoo's were wrong in posting signs that read, "Please Do Not Give The Monkey's Machine Guns". The idea of Gun Slinging Murder Monkeys still gets our Car Balls nod, because in a perfect world, if monkey could use guns, we'd all be much safer.

An exciting day in IKYCITB history

Well dear readers the day has finally come. I've said numerous times that since we started this blog, the prominence of Car Balls in the world of today had seemed to have declined...drastically. I had hardly, if even ONCE, seen an actual pair of "danglers" from below a bumper. Now I know there is a fair level of sarcasm inherent in this site, but I think, for serious, for absolute realiousness, forever, I have been converted. CarBallz4Lyfe.

My morning started as it always does – I had kissed my beautiful wife on her beautiful sleeping cheek, I had poured a the precisely measured amount of food into our dog's dish, and I had saluted the American Flag 50 times for all our glorious 50 states. Then, after donning my ceremonial American Flag robe around my nude body, ran 50 laps around our complex singing "God Bless America," to work off the 3700 calorie breakfast I, AS ALWAYS, ingested just moments before. By then it was 6:30, and the time had come to get into my Ford F-200, truck nutz included, and drive to my job at the construction site.

But LO AND BEHOLD what did I see?


ANOTHER TRUCK, SPORTING A GLORIOUS PAIR OF BALLS BELOW THE CHASSIS. I had to get closer, take a better look...

Who was this man leaving from the same complex as I? What was his name? When can we hang out at my favorite bar and drink Bud and eat Cheeseburgers the AMERICAN WAY?!


Closer and closer I drew...was this it? Could this be the one?!?!?!


Praise the Lord for I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed...BY THE HOLY GRAIL OF CAR BALLS.

End of blog, end of internet, good bye, it was nice knowing you all. Thank you all for the wonderful times we've shared, I look forward to seeing you all again in the afterlife.

MAN ARRESTED FOR MONKEYS IN HIS PANTS

You know when you're in a hurry to catch a plane and the TSA pulls you over for a full body search? Don't you hate it when they find 18 endangered monkeys in your pants?! Yeah, me too. Monkey Balls.

CAR ACCESSORY OF THE WEEK

Why not add a hand gesture to the back of your car, it will most certainly clarify the status of your Car Balls.

CARS THAT NEED BALLS

If these cars don't have balls, then no car should have them.

Car Balls Talk: The Podcast: The Second Nut

Fart - Quotable - Penis - They seem harmless but are not - all words which properly sum up the un-sum-upable RUE BRUTALIA (Jon Pack and Jason Kalter), whom we were fortunate enough to sit down with and interview for our second* installment of Car Balls Talk. Hang in there cuz this is gonna be a long and brutal ride down the road to comedy history.

Car Balls Talk in iTunes.

Rue Brutalia on Facebook
Rue Brutalia Youtube
Rue Brutalia Myspace
Rue Brutalia @ FunnyOrDie.com

Jon just gave me word that RUE BRUTALIA will be performing on April 1 at the People's Improv Theater in NYC at 7pm. Come check it out for a good...nay, HILARIOUS time!

*It would be sublimely fitting if this was not only the second but also the last episode in Car Balls Talk history...but being that there are two of us working here at IKYCITB, each with a proper sack, there will be at least FOUR episodes of Car Balls Talk. Probably.

CAR BALLS OF THE WEEK: BIG THINGS MADE TINY

You may think the world revolves around you and your Car Balls, and you're right! The only thing cooler than a tiny pair of Balls hanging from your Car, would be a tiny version of New York lingering on your computer screen. Enjoy!

The Sandpit from Sam O'Hare on Vimeo.

TOP 10 CELEBS TOO IMPORTANT TO DRIVE A TOYOTA

Due to the recent recall of Toyota cars, we here at IKYCITB's are urging all celebrities who drive a Toyota... "PROTECT YOUR BALLS, SELL THAT TOYOTA!!" Here is our TOP 10 list of celebrities who need to find a new home for their balls:

10. Miley Cyrus: Now in stock...Hannah Montana Car Balls! (available in pink/black/blue)

9. Orlando Bloom: Why does Orlando park his car on his front lawn? To show off his Car Balls.

8. Adrian Grenier: On the next season of Entourage, Vince loses his entourage, and finds that he has just as much fun with only one of his Car Balls and 30 strippers.

7. Raven: Commemorative Raven Car Ball Earrings.

6. Ryan Reynolds: Did you see Van Wilder? Yeah me too. Car Balls.

5. Giovanni Ribisi: That man on the right, just waxed Giovanni's Car Balls and real balls.

4. Leonardo DiCaprio: Said a freezing Leo to his Car Balls, "Never Let Go!"

3. Larry David: A scary ceremony, the passing of the car, and the equipment that comes with it.

2. Cameron Diaz: There's Something About Cameron that makes me think her Car Balls are really Justin Timberlakes balls.

1. Keanu Reeves: Keanu has Matrix Car Balls, so as long as he can dodge cars like he can bullets, his balls will be just fine.

The Polar Opposite of Car Balls

Cars. Balls. Cars with balls? Naturally. So what's the direct inverse of such a genius invention?

A custom license plate that reads SON LESS?

This chunk of kryptonite scathed my balls (eye balls) on my drive to Car Balls HQ on Monday morning, and my first thought was "DAMN lady, way to bring us all down about your inability to reproduce. Grow some BALLS!"

Then, after hours of intense meditation, it dawned on me that this woman probably lost her son in The War recently, and felt it necessary to commemorate his existence by proclaiming to all driving behind her that she is now less-one-son. Or two maybe, I didn't get a chance to interview her. Whatever the case, we here at IKYCITB salute you, SON LESS lady, for finding the polar opposite of car balls, and showing that sometimes shit can get real.

I think my car balls just retracted up into my car body.

WHO HAS CAR BALLS?

This guy has car balls.

This lady has car balls.

This kid, when he grows up, will have car balls.


Your grandpa has car balls.


I'm not sure what's on this guy's car, but it could be balls.


This guys has two sets of car balls, which are both real minotaur balls.


This chick has car balls. On her bike.


You, your dad, and your dad's truck, all have car balls on your balls and your cars.

CHRISTMAS WISH LIST

Look- I know a lot of you out there don't celebrate Christmas, you celebrate Jesus. The best part about Christmas is the gifts. So for this holiday season buy your loved ones some sweet balls for their cars. It's time to upgrade...your Car Balls.

http://www.bullsballs.com/car/accessories.html

The Audacity of Automotive Testicles

Let's just put this out there, Car Balls are essential to the world as we know it. Without balls, our cars wouldn't work, and without cars we wouldn't be alive. So let's face it, we need cars, cars need their balls, therefore, Americans need Car Balls. We are not here to protect the sanctity of marriage, God, or the United States Treasury Department, we are here to break balls, Car Balls. Buckle up, we're about to kick your car in the balls. Join us...won't you?